3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
