Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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