wanna go halves on a baby?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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