Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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