I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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