last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
