Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
