Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
