It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
