Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
