I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
