I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
MIDGETS
????
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
