Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
