My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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