I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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