they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
