she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
