I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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