I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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