I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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