it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
