don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
