i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
