i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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