We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
