I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
