I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
