You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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