Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...