I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.