I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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