my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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