Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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