remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The ass gains better be worth it
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