So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
