Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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