She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
