I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
