All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
