I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
