1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
