True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
