so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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