if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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