So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
