The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
