when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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