Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
