well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
His nipple licking is glorious
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