No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
