she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
