If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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