i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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