My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
