Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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