mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
