You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
