We won't sleep together?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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