Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
