I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
