omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
