ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
