I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
