Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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