So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
