I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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