Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
