sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
