omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize