Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
are you so shy because you have an std?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
