I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
