I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
