Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
