Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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