Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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