i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was born a porn star she said
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
