her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
